This (Exhibit A)

is the adversary. Its name is Comic Sans MS, and it is the typographical equivalent of a cockroach: Disgusting, indicative of disease, and likely to survive the end of the world. Know your enemy:

 Exhibit A comprises every letter, number, and commonly used typographical symbol in the English language, rendered in Comic Sans MS, replete with every sickening acute angle and adjunct, misplaced serif it can boast. The reasons for hating Comic Sans are as multitudinous as they are 100% correct, so instead of focusing on why Comic Sans is the terrible, loathsome, awful Cenobite that it is (doing so would mean this short essay would have to be some dozens, if not hundreds of pages), I will instead focus on the intensity of its black-hole-like suckage.

 The Christian Bible tells of an age of doom, and of a reckoning taking place within it. It tells of an end age when the Scourge will walk the Earth, when the armies of heaven and hell will do battle, a time when the very spirit of mankind will be pulled, weeping and howling, in to crushing depths of depravity and misery from which is shall never again arise, and be left there in the cold and the dark, shivering.

If not the Nemesis itself, Comic Sans is at least the herald of those end times. It is a leech, foul and stealthy, which burrows in to the brains of those who look upon and it, and stays there, making its host more docile to its ravages with each successive reading. It is literary genocide. If Comic Sans, Adolf Hitler, and Josef Stalin and myself were all in the same room, and I had a firearm with two rounds of ammunition loaded in it, I would shoot Comic Sans twice, even though it is a font and incapable of feeling pain, or dying.  Comic Sans is the most terrible tyrant the world has ever seen by that merit: It is immortal. If the assembled military forces of all of human history set themselves to the task of eliminating the cancer that is Comic Sans, and stayed at it for a thousand years, it would still some day be found, huddling on some scrap of a sixth grader’s book report, like a mold beneath the belly of a rock. So this is a call to action: defeat the enemy, my friends. Boycott the decay, the disease, the rot, the rank-smelling, erosive, taint that is the font Comic Sans MS.

Join the revolution, my friends, or lose what little hope remains.